safety net

*written after a friend's boyfriend dumped her instead of moving into her house*

The general consensus is that it takes courage to leave the place/people to which/whom one has made connections.  It's viewed as abnormal to isolate oneself from society.  Even the shyest people usually keep a few close friends.

I once read an evolutionary biology theory that postulated conversation is oral grooming.  People use conversation to forge and strengthen bonds amongst us.  Acquaintances are those we call for fun or for utility.  Friends are those we call on in times of need.  Boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives are those who are close enough to be held responsible, in some degree, for our happiness and security.  They're the ones who listen to us recount our days -- good and bad -- and suffer the consequences if we have bad credit or make poor decisions.  They're the ones who put their tongues to our genitals because we like it.  If we die first, they carve their names next to ours on our tombstones, and wait for those who follow after to add the final date.

So it's particularly hurtful when one's "significant other" separates.  These are the people who know us best -- who know that we actually shit -- and still loved us for it.  That's perhaps the most affirming aspect of love: knowing about the shit and loving anyway.  It's the closest thing to unconditional love (without getting all theistic about it).  And when it dissolves, the primary support is gone.  And when it dissolves at an inopportune time, such as a) after one has relocated across the country and hasn't made new friends, or b) when one is already experiencing self-doubt and doesn't give much credit to the remainder of her support network or her intrinsic ability to seek out and live up to her alleged potential, the results can be...devastating.

Panic.  Grasp at whatever is the most immediately apparent, even if it's not as sturdy as one might like.  Just don't use it as a crutch forever.