5. from the (unpublished) archives

Today was a shitty day, so I'm pulling this out of the started-but-never-finished-entries and publishing it anyway.

I used to work in a research laboratory where we used pentobarbital as a pre-surgery anaesthetic.  It's a barbiturate that is used illegally for recreational purposes (as well as to mitigate the symptoms of heroin withdrawal, among other things), so we had to keep it locked up in the controlled substances safe.  Every dose was recorded in a log, which was also locked inside the safe, and the entire amount of the drug had to be accounted for in our records.  However, due to measurement error and imperfections in the syringes used to administer the drug, there was always a discrepancy at the end of the bottle.  The first time I finished a bottle, I approached one of the graduate students and asked how to account for the deficit in the log.  Basically, she brushed me off and told me to make the math work: everyone knew it worked out that way, but it was our responsibility to document usage for the entire contents.  Ehhhhh?  My naive sensibilities hadn't yet been completely tarnished, and I didn't want to overtly lie.  Lying is immoral, unethical, and weren't we supposed to be conducting research in a moral and ethical manner?  Well, yes, she said, but if we don't account for the drug used, we won't be able to acquire any more, and our research practices will be called into question, and our grant money could be in jeopardy.

I can't remember what I documented in the log.  I assume I followed her instructions, but it has rankled me ever since.  We were forced to falsify our records!  About a controlled substance!  And it was an unspoken part of the protocol.

My current employment is categorized as "non-exempt," which basically means I'm paid for the hours I report having worked, rather than being paid a salary for the work I've done.  There are limits to the hours I am allowed to work in a given day, as well as in a given week, and I am not allowed to work overtime.  However, one of my job duties involves travel, which (as we all know) can be a time-consuming endeavor.  I am supposed to be paid for hours spent traveling for work, but, generally speaking, a work day plus travel time exceeds the number of hours I am allowed to work.  So do I report the hours I actually worked, even if that results in overtime?  Or do I "fudge" the hours I report, thereby falsifying my timesheet and working for free, but giving the appearance that the rules have been followed?  (Aside: I feel fortunate in this troubled economy to be gainfully employed...but to be frank, the only reason I go to work is because I'm paid to do so.)  I'm fairly certain my "at will" employment will be terminated if I report my actual hours.  Granted that would solve this dilemma, but would also create a series of other problems.

It's taking me back to that philosophy class I took in the acquisition of my good-for-very-little liberal arts degree.  Now I have to go review the categorical imperative.  I think I might have it completely fucked up.