I am dismayed that it is only Tuesday. Despite the fact that I am not a morning person, I dragged myself out of bed yesterday morning and slogged into the office, where I duly sat in my assigned seat and stared at my computer monitor for hours and hours, without the benefit of any work to do to help me bide my time. A couple of pages came through the fax machine and I responsibly entered them into the database, filed them away, and locked the file cabinet (my boss has developed the unnerving habit of rifling through my desk in my absence). I may have spent an inordinate amount of time on facebook, various blogs, and other websites, but it was almost certainly entirely due to the lack of work I had. I even reorganized some terribly disorganized files I inherited from my predecessor. Such an activity, while it does kill some time and give the appearance of being industrious and work-related, is actually just a waste of time because no one except my predecessor is interested in those files.
Despite all of this responsible adult behavior, I am expected to return today...and tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and maintain the charade of industry. Periodically, the boss sneaks up behind me so she can read my monitor over my shoulder. Usually when this happens, it's not displaying work-related material, mostly because I am so absurdly talented and blindingly efficient that all of my work-related activities have been concluded. However, that doesn't stop her from passing judgment and sending me emails about the necessity of keeping my web-surfing out of the workplace. Presumably, she's documenting my insubordination somewhere in a file of employee transgressions. It might cost me my job. Sometimes I give a shit, since I've been working here for six years and I can't exactly gloss over such a long period of time on my resume. More often, I feel justified because it's not like I have anything else to do. Generally speaking, I'm a very conscientious employee, mindful of deadlines and (at least partially) enthusiastic about contributing to projects. I even generate work for myself. I've taught myself to use a variety of software in the hope of spawning a pet project to absorb me in the hours assigned me.
But how many hours is it possible to just sit here with nothing to do? I mean, really. Have you ever tried to just sit in a chair for an entire work day? Staring off into space? Waiting for the phone to ring? (It does so once or twice, but the resulting conversastions usually last less than five minutes and create about the same length of documentation.) I've started attending meetings that neither concern nor interest me simply to remove myself from the room. I like to sit in a corner or with my back to the wall, to recover from the anxiety produced by my boss's tendency to sneak up behind me. It's good to have a respite.
I used to be grateful to have a job, especially in this "economic downturn." Unemployment in this state is at 12.5%, last I heard. Many folks wish they could land a job, any job at all. I wish my position would be discontinued. I'm seriously considering suggesting it to my boss's boss. Worst case scenario, I get laid off? And I can collect unemployment? They'll give me money for not working??? Excellent. This place is destroying my motivation to live. If I stop breathing, they won't make me sit in front of this monitor. That sneaky bitch won't appear from nowhere, breathing disapprovingly down my neck, spying on my reading material. Standing in line at an unemployment office can't possibly be worse than this. Even waiting tables is starting to look good -- and after the last job I had doing that, I swore I'd become a streetwalker before accepting another food service job. I can't be grateful for this job anymore. It makes streetwalking look attractive, daring, exciting.
Since I can't even get an interview elsewhere, though, I have to assume that the market is equally challenging on the street. Also, I despise wearing skirts and high heels for more than an hour or two. This is a hopeless situation.
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