tell me all your thoughts on god

There are two topics I try to avoid discussing publicly, and those are politics and religion.  It's not because my own beliefs are too weak to stand up to the challenge, but rather because a) conviction and passion run high in both arenas, and b) debate doesn't change people minds, it just builds walls between them.  I even tend to avoid these two hotbutton topics in conversation with people who share my beliefs, because I find them difficult to navigate when the other person is closed off (read: militant).

I was raised by a moderately religious family in a fairly progressive iteration of a common faith.  The religious education I received through their church was poorly organized, extremely biased, incomplete, and abjectly failed to answer the reasonable questions I politely posed for discussion.  So I asked myself some poignant questions, the primary amongst them being, what is my most trusted source of information?  And then I turned my back on faith, because at heart I'm an empiricist: I trust my own perception and interpretation above anything else.  I was trained, as a scientist, to evaluate truth based on the scientific method, such that what can be proven false is not true.  Being a scientist and being a person of faith are not mutually exclusive -- the empirical method cannot prove anything as definitively true (but can only fail to reject a statement as false), although theories become increasingly probable when supported by a body of evidence -- but I believe there is no god.  That statement differs from the statement "I don't believe in god" in that it's a positive belief and not an absence of belief.  I'm not an agnostic, I'm not a person without conviction, I'm an atheist.  In my opinion, which I base upon the evidence I've collected empirically, there is no god and there never was.  The universe and all its contents came about by some distant celestial event that we do not yet understand, and has evolved over the millennia via numerous processes, including the process of natural selection, into the universe that exists today.

Lots of people want to save my mortal soul.  They feel sorry for me because I "lack" belief, I have no higher power in which to put my faith and to whom to turn in times of trouble and pain.  After I elected not to become a member of my parents' church, my godmother wrote me a letter telling me that she believed that the celestial part of a nonbeliever is condemned to suffer for eternity as punishment for walking away from god.  Then my brother -- who also believed that there is no god -- died, and I have always wanted to ask her if she thinks he's in hell.  (I never have asked because although I'm curious, her beliefs don't ultimately affect mine, and also because our relationship would probably never recover from her response.)  The alternative to his being damned for eternity is that she's devised an escape strategy for him: maybe her god doesn't damn children's souls?

I don't lack belief, and I don't lack exposure to faith practices, and I'm not misguided or pitiable.  I'm an intelligent, rational person, and I've considered all the available systems of belief.  I selected the one that has always described me, and I'm devoted to it.

I'm also a vegetarian, and one who was raised as an omnivore.  People find that unaccountably interesting and often want to hear in detail about my motivations and challenges surrounding the choice to pursue vegetarianism.  It was a practice I wanted to test out, and it fit me so well that I never went back.  Like my belief system, it just came naturally to me.  No, I don't feel deprived, I don't miss meat, I don't have any problems getting adequate nutrition.  Yes, it took my family some time to adjust to the idea, but they've come around, and even though they don't necessarily agree with me, they respect my dietary choices.  And there's one thing I always make certain to say when asked about my vegetarianism: "I don't pretend to know what anyone else should or shouldn't eat.  I only know what works well for me."  What I mean is, I don't intend to control or judge your diet...and I'd appreciate the same courtesy.

I don't intend to control or judge the religious beliefs of others, and I'd appreciate the same courtesy.  I steadfastly support freedom of religion, which is to say that we all can practice whatever faith we see fit, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else.  I think religion offers a neat and tidy package of morality, humanitarian values, and personal strength that is accessible to the masses, and for that it is a great and necessary practice.  I also think it's important to realize that not everyone conforms to the same belief system, and that it is entirely possible to be a strong, moral, humanitarian being while not buying into faith.  I think sharing information about one's belief systems is perfectly okay (although it has been my experience that persons of faith are positively repelled by discussions about atheism), but pushing one's beliefs on another person is reprehensible.

That is why phrases like "Go with God!" or "Jesus loves you!" raise my hackles.  How presumptuous to assume that others share your beliefs, and what an undertone of intolerance such a message communicates!  It's the directive phrasing that bothers me: "do this" and "you can't avoid being a part of our fold."  You just seriously invaded my personal bubble, and I think such behavior is ignorant and rude.  The same is not true for such comments as "I'm praying for you," -- which, in my mind, is an expression of empathy embedded in the lifepath of the speaker, and not a directive statement about how I should deal with a situation.  If you ask me to pray for you, though, I'll be happy to let you know that I will keep you in my thoughts.

Once a year, I darken the doors of the church to attend a service with my grandmother.  She loves taking the whole family, and to be honest there is very little in this world that I wouldn't do to make that woman happy.  Given that I never joined a church or other congregation, that I listen respectfully but silently during prayers, and that she has never asked about my faith, I'm fairly certain she knows I don't agree with her.  But I do believe that attending religious services is the best way to learn about and gain appreciation for any faith, and attendance does not constitute tacit acceptance.  I feel, though, that my atheism is a dark secret within my family.  Because I'm not outspoken about it, it has never become a bone of contention, and I don't intend for it to be.  I did politely request that a couple of people remove me from their faith-based emails.  To be sure, I'm not ashamed to be an atheist -- I am quite comfortable with my beliefs and prideful of the thought and experience that formed them -- but they make other people so goddamned uncomfortable that avoiding the topic is the best assurance of harmony.  I don't get the sense that people of faith make as much effort to respect the beliefs of atheists as (most) atheists make to avoid offending people of faith.